Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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