I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
