My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
