Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
