Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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