why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I need moral support for this bender
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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