Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
