Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize