Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
