There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
