WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize