you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize