She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
pray to the hookup gods
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize