i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
false alarm. still invincible.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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