i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
