I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
PANTIES FOUND
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