apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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