So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize