One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize