they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
