Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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