O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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