As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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