I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
