Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
