i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I will be naked everywhere
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
