I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Randomize
