i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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