Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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