and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
