so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
