i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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