Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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