nut hugger
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She even gives head with a lisp.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
