Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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