Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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