When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
