this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
