just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
