if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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