I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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