just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Mom said you looked used
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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