dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
