my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
