we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
