Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.

Fav 55 1216 4737
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(970): View more from Colorado

The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.

(352): View more from Florida

I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.

Fav 28 7719 1162
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(410): View more from Maryland

...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...

Fav 14 6399 1211
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(224): View more from Illinois

I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.

Fav 12 7480 1405
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(615): View more from Tennessee

took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now

Fav 7 1331 2722
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.

Fav 16 7277 2628
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(435): View more from Utah

I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.

Fav 0 7 24
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(417): View more from Missouri

We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird

(573): View more from Missouri

He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid

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