you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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