My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
