I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
