let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
