HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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