um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
