I wish my penis had an off switch
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
