Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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