Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
