What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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