oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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