just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Randomize
