My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
