I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
