Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
